Poverty Portfolio
Luke Frantz
English 102-041W
Professor Leslie Jewkes
December 10, 2012
Monday, December 10, 2012
Introduction
First of all I wanted to say thank you for taking the time
to read my portfolio. My topic for the semester was poverty, and though
disheartening at times, throughout my research I have glimpsed at the
underlying cause to this predicament. With so many individuals providing
statistics and personal research, finding a clear-cut answer or spot on facts
was difficult to come by. Failures in the modern day economic system were
blatantly obvious, as was the truth that as a nation and a collective whole we
still allow thousands of children to die each day as a result of malnutrition
and inadequate healthcare. This brought to mind the necessity of reformation,
and the importance of standing up for a world where proper nutrition and
medicine are available to everyone, not just those in the developed world.
Nothing will change the globes current set of circumstances unless as a race,
everyone comes together and unites in an effort to make the world a safe,
habitable ecosystem where all live in harmony.
Local Research
Poverty
And
the Hungry Truth
Luke
Frantz
English
102 041W
Leslie
Jewkes
October
17, 2012
Abstract
Within
Poverty you will find many factors that all lead to the same fundamental
problem: the uneven distribution of wealth and the habitual issue of greed.
Throughout the essay problems will be presented, as will numerous underlying
factors that greatly contribute to the current problem of poverty. Finally, it
will conclude with a set of ideas formulated on the basis of fairness and
self-dedication in protecting human rights and equality for all Americans.
While reading this essay it would be best to keep an open mind as some of the
ideas might come across as unusual, and in doing so a deeper understanding into
the heart of poverty will be obtained.
Luke Frantz
English 102 041W
Leslie Jewkes
October 17, 2012
Poverty:
And the Hungry Truth
Life
can often times seem unfair. Some lives are lavished with luxury and handed
down enterprises. A number of people are successful via a combination of hard
work and dedication. But for others, the daily life of simply surviving,
finding food and shelter is the true battle. So with a world full of sufficient
resources and caring people: how can so many go hungry and live without
shelter? Living below poverty level is a natural part of life for many
Americans. What truly constitutes destitution? What are the reasons so many are affected by
this systematic poverty? Finally, how
can we go about solving this epidemic?
We have seen men
and women begging on street corners, often times barring an empty can of gas or
their children. Some even embrace their addiction and project signs with
slogans such as: “dreaming of a cheeseburger” or “I just want some booze,” and
though the humor can be a nice change from the blatantly disheartening, these
people embrace their situation and sadness is still mirrored through the
lingering eyes of depression. But what is the effect of poverty? Jo Goodwin Parker writes “Poverty is an acid that drips
on pride until all pride is worn away. Poverty is a chisel that chips on honor
until honor is worn away.” (Goodwin Parker) It has been said that: “Poverty is
the worst form of violence” (Gandhi). So when life is always taking a financial
or mental toll the strain of having nothing left to give becomes the center of
an identity, rooted in pain and bound in misfortune.
Life can take many
unexpected turns, from the heartbroken to the emotionally disturbed, from the
shattered mind ruined by the atrocities of war to the terminally ill cancer
patient who can no longer afford medical treatment. Even the loss of a loved
one or a child can leave the remnants of such darkening depression the thought
of getting out of bed can be as debilitating as the Hanta Virus. Factors will
always be present, and one can never know the life story of the hurt and
homeless without first understanding that we all at one point or another feel
like giving up. Sadly, many lives are pulled into the vortex of confusion and
abandonment where hope is hard to stumble across and purpose has been photo-shopped
out of the picture.
Existence
can be as natural as breathing to one person and painfully difficult for
another: but why is that the case? Poverty is an issue millions of Americans
are faced with on a daily basis, natural resources are dwindling, jobs are being
lost and depression rates are at an all time high with many statistics claiming
they have roughly tripled in the past two decades. Which would reflect nearly
27 million Americans (Spencer), and nearly twenty five percent of suicides
relating to alcohol (Miller). The picture becomes clearer as to why our country
and its citizens are becoming disillusioned in America’s free enterprise system
and watch as the land of opportunity becomes a playground in which the rich
become richer. “The level of poverty was higher in the mid-1990s than in the
late 60’s, and the poverty is deeper (the poor are poorer) and geographically
concentrated (the poor are more isolated) now than 30 years ago”(Harris). The
poor have a harder time affording the basic necessities, such as food,
clothing, and shelter (Bothof).
Of course, we can brush the issue off
and blame poverty on lack of motivation, “Early childbearing, criminal
activity, drug and alcohol use, and refusal to participate in a labor market
are seen as chosen behaviors which limit the ability of individuals to take
advantage of opportunity”(See), but the depths of the poverty iceberg shows
magnitude beneath the surface. Living below poverty level is a natural part of
life for many Americans. “Family income has fallen by $4,000, but health
insurance premiums are higher, food prices are higher, utility bills are higher,
and gasoline prices have doubled. Today more Americans wake up in poverty than
ever before. (Romney) So with life expenses on the rise, and household incomes
dwindling, where does one find extra income to sustain comfortable living?
Debt and
the rising costs of housing and essentials (i.e. food and clothing) alike can
leave little to no room for activities outside the home. This, in turn, affects
our economy by causing businesses related to leisure and entertainment to
struggle. Money is being saved for
utilities and groceries rather than being spent elsewhere. The domino effect of
this is employees of these businesses begin to lose hours, money is no longer
being attained by the stores owners, and food distributors have to raise costs
to keep up with demand. Often, food
quality will go down to keep costs the same, so with families not having money
to spend on activities outside the home it makes it difficult for business to
stay afloat with little money circulating through the country. It works the
same in nature. Our economy is an eco system and when one factor gets removed
or goes extinct, the ripples will be felt throughout the entire system.
College can
be a great place to further an education, interact with peers and harness a
better understanding of ones place in the world; but what about the financial
aspect? With tuition on the rise and jobs being outsourced instead of brought
in, the cost and burden of paying off debt has left collection agencies in a
great position, but not so much the college graduate. It has been estimated
that “America’s student loan debt is growing at a rate of $2,853.88 per second.
At this pace, it will surpass $1 trillion in 2012” (Cohn). A simple solution to
the growing number of individuals undergoing the issue of tuition related debt
is loan forgiveness provided to those who give back to the community through services
and volunteering. Those in positions of power would be well advised to lead by
example and show that through education and social awareness the world can be
what we only dreamed it could. This too would encourage college attendance.
“In 2011, about 15.9 percent of
the U.S. population had income below the poverty level, an increase from 15.3
percent in 2010. The number of people in poverty increased from 46.2 million to
48.5 million during the same time period.” (Bishaw) These frightening
statistics reflect the truth that the problem is not going anywhere, and that
year-by-year it only gets worse, which makes “it is easy to understand the
growing insecurity that so many Americans feel. Even the employed know that
their jobs are at risk, and with the high level of unemployment and the low
level of social protection, their lives could suddenly take a turn for the
worst.” (Stiglitz)
Families all throughout the
community are facing the truth that they can no longer afford to live under
their current means. When the bills pile up and the money is not coming in,
what options are left? Do you sell all your possessions and do what you can to
salvage the situation? Or do you embrace the chaos and allow life to run its
course: even if that means losing your home? Thousands of families across the
state are being challenged with this predicament, and the reality that many children
are without clothing or food is fact.
The
challenging feats of the uneducated and the wandering minds of the hopelessly ignorant
leave a blinded glare to the goodness life can behold “In the 36 month period from January 2004 to December 2006, 28.9 percent of
the U.S. population were in poverty for at least 2 months” (Bishaw) Abusive families, drug addiction,
psychological illness, and the inability to function in a capitalistic profit
driven economy lead many to stray away from the herd.
Unemployment
rates remain stagnant. Bishaw states that: “since the beginning of this year, the rate has held in
a narrow range of 8.1 to 8.3 percent. The number of unemployed persons, at 12.5 million, was little changed in
August.” (Bishaw) “One could accept low growth rates more easily were they not
connected with high unemployment. For the affected people, unemployment is not
only a material burden; it also injures their dignity. It weighs heavily on
their minds, disturbs their emotional balance and their personal relationships.”
(Sarkar) “Poverty is spreading at record
levels across many groups, from underemployed workers and suburban families to
the poorest poor. More discouraged workers are giving up on the job market,
leaving them vulnerable as unemployment aid begins to run out.” (Yen)
Lack
of money will always be a major cause of misfortune and “we surely don’t want to admit
that our dependency on money is flawed, because that would imply that the fault
is our own and god forbid we take responsibility for our lives. So we blame the
money.” (Kymatica) Though taking responsibility for ones actions can be a
struggle, and budgeting a catastrophic ordeal; government issues, business
outsourcing, and massive layoffs nation wide do not help the matter. “A close
examination of poverty reveals that it is about much more than money alone.
Poverty results from a number of factors that include political, social, and
economic dynamics” (Poverty). “The collapse of the good jobs has happened
during the last quarter century, and, not surprisingly, wages for such jobs
have gone down and disparity between wages at the top and those in the middle
has increased. The polarization of the labor force has meant that while more of
the money is going to the top, more of the people are going to the bottom.”
(Stiglitz) So while money is being sucked away from those at the bottom of the
financial ladder who struggle to pay bills, the free enterprise system allows the
elitists who dictate prices to earn substantially more.
The uneven distribution of wealth
and the poverty stricken who feel they have no other choice but to rely on
government assistance (e.g. welfare, food stamps and Medicaid) forces reliance
and trust in an institution that seems to reward those in peril with “free”
money and food, rather than the opportunity to work and create a sustainable
life. This government reliance can instill a false understanding that money is
free and one most not work for a living. This egoic sense of self and
entitlement inflates the mind in believing it “deserves this, and doesn’t need
to give back.” This disturbing frame of reference can be seen throughout the
country and the reasons for this still evade the vast majority.
As
stubborn humans, it often takes difficult, life altering circumstances to
gather a perspective that re-wires an alternate world-view. Often people learn
by means of opposites; most do not understand the importance of a job until the
lack of a job is immanent; or the vitality of providing for ones family is not
known until put in a position where the family can no longer be provided for.
Life is full of lessons and although being homeless or poverty stricken can be
a traumatic experience, it can also help to humble the stubborn heart and force
those involved to change their current situation.
People learn a lot about the little things taken
for granted when placed in a situation where those things are no longer present,
as well as motivation to cultivate something meaningful with their remaining
time. Although using misfortunes of others to further better oneself, it never
hurts to examine life through the experience of another. It would be wise to “stop panicking because the world
is telling you something, it is telling you exactly what is wrong with you and
how to fix it.” (Kymatica) Americans blame society but Americans are society,
and until responsibility is taken from all sides a solution will be difficult
to come across.
A
solution to the crises of poverty is as difficult to solve as an astrophysics equation.
There is no standard way of defining
poverty. What is necessary to satisfy basic needs varies across time and place,
depending on the level of economic development, societal norms, and values”(Caner). With all the variables and
infinite circumstances each case brings a unique problem that in turn requires
a unique solution. One key point for this issue is requiring beneficiaries of
social services to give back by participating in the community. Providing
simple services such as highway cleanup, volunteering, or any other activity
that benefits society is advantageous not only to that society, but it also
gives those providing the services a sense of satisfaction. It can even help to
motivate those with a “free money and food” mentality that purpose can be found
within the problem, and great joy can be harnessed in returning it to others.
Caps
on government spending, along with limitations on profit made by CEOs and other
government agencies; with private business owners extending all extra proceeds to
charity or another chosen organizations would in turn negate the uneven
distribution of wealth. This being something of a strange theory would require
public support and humbleness from numerous public figures, plus government
backing. Yet, with proper understanding of the pain associated with poverty:
both mentally and physically the truth becomes apparent that suffering on such
basic levels should not be occurring and following the same outdated methods
that got us in the current predicament should be revised and if found obsolete
need to be done away with.
Community
shelters and housing facilities have been established in an effort to help
those in their times of need; so with resolution being sought and a developing
goal in sight a plan is becoming more clear. Bill hicks once quoted: “It's kind
of an interesting theory, and all we have to do is make one decisive act
and we can rid the world of all our enemies at once. Here's what we do.
You know all that money we spend on nuclear weapons and defense every
year? Trillions-of-dollars. Instead, if we spent that money feeding
and clothing the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over,
not one human being excluded … not one ... we could as one race
explore inner and outer space together in peace, forever.”
(American)
Within this
current problem or poverty there lies a solution that all will benefit from,
but the solution will not come without a price. We must be willing to sacrifice
our time, resources and provide for others; we have to be willing to admit the
hard truth our current system is outdated and needs revision. The world is
sufficient in providing for all people- not just those in positions of power and
influence. We must take responsibility in helping those in need and stand up
for what it right.
Works
Cited
American: The Bill Hicks
Story. Dir.
Matt Harlock and Paul Thomas. Perf. Bill Hicks. 2009. DVD.
Bothof, Abbe E.
"Questions on Poverty." Personal interview. 7 Oct. 2012.
Caner, Asena, and Edward
Wolff. "Asset Poverty in the United States, 1984-1999." M.E.
Sharpe Journals 47.1 (2004): 5-52. Print.
Cohn, Scott. "The Debt
That Won't Go Away." CNBC.com. CNBC, 20 Dec. 2012. Web. 27 Sept. 2012.
<http://www.cnbc.com/id/40680905>.
Gandhi. Dir. Richard Attenborough.
By John Briley. Perf. Ben Kingsley, Candice Bergen, Edward Fox, John Gielgud,
Trevor Howard, John Mills, Martin Sheen, and Rohini Hattangady.
Columbia-E.M.I.-Warner Distributors, 1982.
Goodwin Parker, Jo. What
Is Poverty? Oklahoma: University of Oklahoma, 1971. Print.
Bishaw, Alemayehu. Poverty: 2010 and 2011. Rep.
N.p.: U.S. Department of Commerce, 2011. Print.
Harris, Fred R., and Lynn A. Curtis. "Locked in the
Poorhouse: Cities, Race, and Poverty in United States." Contemporary Sociology 29.No. 3 (2003): 500-01. Print.
Kymatica. Dir. Ben Stewart. Perf. Ben
Stewart. Independent, March 6, 2009. DVD.
Miller, NS, JC Mahler, and MS
Gold. "Suicide Risk Associated with Drug and Alcohol Dependence." National
Center for Biotechnology Information. U.S. National Library of Medicine,
1991. Web. 11 Oct. 2012.
Poverty. Http://www.socialworkers.org.
National Association of Social Workers, 2012. Web. 08 Oct. 2012.
Personal Writing
Luke Frantz
English 102 041W
Professor Leslie Jewkes
December 10, 2012
Personal
Writing Piece
What
have I learned in life? That might sound like a strange question to some but
for me, it is the ultimate quest. Life, from my standpoint always seems to travel
in circles. I have found myself, time and time again experiencing the same
things with different people, often times leaving me dizzy and confused at my
personal behavior. “Can I not learn lessons?” or “am I just destined to relive
and experience the same things over and over?” Baffled at how confusing things
can be I armored myself with wit and set out to discover what on Earth I was
supposed to be doing here.
I
have a tendency to leave jobs on the drop of a nickel. Sometimes creating
elaborate stories of self-justification. Though the things I often tell myself
are not the complete truth, they can, and do, make hard situations more bearable.
Yet, why do I, and why have I struggled with finding purpose through day-to-day
life? At first, as a younger man I would blame the job. Often times finding
exactly what I was looking for, and that being a reason to leave. “Oh, I just
can no longer handle my boss! She is over the top and makes me do this and
that! It is time I find a different job!” Being outgoing at first glance I have
rarely struggled to find work. People seem to respond well to my personality so
finding new friends or a new line of work has never posed a challenge. But as inconsistency
goes, I began to notice it in more than just my job.
As
it turns out that little glitch in my mental processing begin to appear as the
root cause of my problems. My life felt as though anytime I had anything worthwhile
in my hands all I could do was sit back and slowly watch it melt through my
fingers. “Why is this happening to me again?” was a lamentation I proclaimed on
numerous occasions. Failing to realize it was nothing more than a thought. Somewhere
along the lines I decided that perfection was what I needed and anytime those
needs were not met, I was on the run.
From
relationship to relationship I sat back and watched as friends came and went.
Saddened by the passerby nature of people I decided it was time I take a little
mental retreat. Thankfully at this point I was in a situation where I could do
just that. Living alone was something I had yet to do, but after another fall
out with a close friend I decided it was best. Coincidentally the house I was
renting just so happened to belong to an older antique dealer who loved to
collect books of a spiritual nature. Within the collection I found a barrage of
literature on both the nature of reality and ways to further personal spiritual
evolution.
The
next few months I did nothing but read. Blasting through book after book I felt
more connected to myself than I ever had in the past. Not only was I in awe of
the knowledge being presented to me, but also I was also eternally grateful to
the forces that guided my life to this point. Everything seemed to coalesce,
and I felt perfection in the process of my failures. Every failure, every
flawed relationship had led my life to exactly the place it needed to be. I
knew there was no turning back, and determined to find solutions I found just
that. Teaching me that life is a reflection of what I, as a person, decide it
to be. Through trials I learned to control my breathing, and focus on a world
outside myself. I learned to love people, and value friendship, and most of all
I learned to love who I was as a person.
As
Bill Hicks so poetically states: ”The
world is like a ride in an amusement park and when you choose to go on it you
think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up
and down and around and around and it has thrills and chills and it's very
brightly colored and it's very loud. And it's fun - for a while. Some people
have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: is this
real? Or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come
back to us, and they say, "Hey, don't worry, don't be afraid, ever,
because... this is just a ride."
Works Cited
American: The Bill Hicks Story. Dir. Matt Harlock and Paul
Thomas. Perf. Bill Hicks. 2009. DVD.
Macklemore- City Dont Sleep and Bibliography
You wanna see change?
Then put your ones in the air,
You think the system that we're living in is not fair?
You wanna see change?
Then put your ones in the air,
Now point 'em to yourself, 'cause change starts right there.
'cause change starts right there.
Bibliography
Then put your ones in the air,
You think the system that we're living in is not fair?
You wanna see change?
Then put your ones in the air,
Now point 'em to yourself, 'cause change starts right there.
'cause change starts right there.
Bibliography
American: The Bill Hicks
Story. Dir.
Matt Harlock and Paul Thomas. Perf. Bill Hicks. 2009. DVD.
Bothof, Abbe E.
"Questions on Poverty." Personal interview. 7 Oct. 2012.
Caner, Asena, and Edward
Wolff. "Asset Poverty in the United States, 1984-1999." M.E.
Sharpe Journals 47.1 (2004): 5-52. Print.
Cohn, Scott. "The Debt
That Won't Go Away." CNBC.com. CNBC, 20 Dec. 2012. Web. 27 Sept.
2012. <http://www.cnbc.com/id/40680905>.
Gandhi. Dir. Richard Attenborough.
By John Briley. Perf. Ben Kingsley, Candice Bergen, Edward Fox, John Gielgud,
Trevor Howard, John Mills, Martin Sheen, and Rohini Hattangady.
Columbia-E.M.I.-Warner Distributors, 1982.
Goodwin Parker, Jo. What
Is Poverty? Oklahoma: University of Oklahoma, 1971. Print.
Bishaw, Alemayehu. Poverty:
2010 and 2011. Rep. N.p.: U.S. Department of Commerce, 2011. Print.
Harris, Fred R., and Lynn A.
Curtis. "Locked in the Poorhouse: Cities, Race, and Poverty in the United
States." Contemporary Sociology 29.No. 3 (2003): 500-01. Print.
Kymatica. Dir. Ben Stewart. Perf. Ben
Stewart. Independent, March 6, 2009. DVD.
Miller, NS, JC Mahler, and MS
Gold. "Suicide Risk Associated with Drug and Alcohol Dependence." National
Center for Biotechnology Information. U.S. National Library of Medicine,
1991. Web. 11 Oct. 2012.
Poverty. Http://www.socialworkers.org.
National Association of Social Workers, 2012. Web. 08 Oct. 2012.
Romney, Mitt. "Mitt
Romney's Acceptance Speech." Republican National Convention. Florida,
Tampa. 14 Oct. 2012. Speech.
Sarkar, Saral K., and
Guerrero Gabriela. Calderón. The Crises of Capitalism: A Different Study of
Political Economy. Berkeley, CA: Counterpoint, 2012. Print.
See, Katherine O'Sullivan.
"Comments from the Special Issue Editor: Approaching Poverty in the United
States." Social Problems 38.4 (1991): 427-32. Print.
Spencer, Susan.
"Examining the Broad Reach of Depression." CBSNews. CBS
Interactive, 18 Mar. 2012. Web. 17 Oct. 2012.
Stiglitz, Joseph E. The
Price of Inequality: [How Today's Divided Society Endangers Our Future].
New York: W.W. Norton &, 2012. Print.
Yen, Hope. "US Poverty
Rate Projected to Hit Highest Level since ’60s." BostonGlobe.com.
Associated Press, 23 July 2012. Web. 07 Oct. 2012.
"11 Facts about Global
Poverty." Do Something. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 Nov. 2012. <http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-facts-about-global-poverty>.
Children Underground. Dir. Edet Belzberg. 2001. DVD.
Domhoff, William. "Who
Rules America: Wealth, Income, and Power." Who Rules America: Wealth,
Income, and Power. N.p., Oct. 2012. Web. 13 Nov. 2012. <http://www2.ucsc.edu/whorulesamerica/power/wealth.html>.
Foster Gamble. Donate.
Dir. Thrive. N.p., n.d. Web. 02
Dec. 2012. <http://www.thrivemovement.com/>.
The Great Dictator. Dir. Charlie Chaplin. Perf.
Charlie Chaplin. 1940. DVD.
Grossman, Lev. "Breaking
News, Analysis, Politics, Blogs, News Photos, Video, Tech Reviews." Time.
Time, n.d. Web. 01 Dec. 2012. <http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2048299,00.html>.
Matthews, Hannah. "When
a Headline Isn't News: Child Poverty Persists." The Huffington Post.
TheHuffingtonPost.com, 12 Sept. 2012. Web. 14 Nov. 2012. <http://www.huffingtonpost.com/hannah-matthews/when-a-headline-isnt-news_b_1877626.html>.
"Poverty Facts and
Stats." - Global Issues. N.p., n.d. Web. 01 Dec. 2012. <http://www.globalissues.org/article/26/poverty-facts-and-stats>.
St. Clair, Asunción.
"Global Poverty: Development Ethics Meets Global Justice." Globalizations
3.2 (2006): 139-58. Print.
"Tackling Global
Poverty." Nature Nanotechnology 2.11 (2007): n. pag. Academic
Search Complete. Web. 04 Dec. 2012.
Personal Writing
Luke Frantz
Professor Leslie Jewkes
English 102 041W
December 10, 2012
Personal
Dilemma
As
the beginning of the year began I knew I was in a strange place. Being in a job
that seemed to get progressively worse with each passing day, accompanied by
the hard truth that the money needed for a sustainable life was nowhere close
left me feeling like rock bottom was vastly approaching. This dreadful feeling
was soon followed by the death of both my grandparents, and a breakup that left
my heart in shambles. These problems left me in a delirious state where
inspiration was hard to arouse, and disorientation as to the “natural order of
things” drowned out all my senses. Being determined to find a balance between
my racing mind and the tasks set out before me I knew I was in for a ride.
Being
as I have a tendency to over respond to situations that deal with stress I was
certain that doom was on the horizon. For as far back as I can remember
cultivating creative, beneficial solutions has come as a problem. My personality
tends to draw struggles inward and steppingstones to growth begin to appear more
as roadblocks than tools to help better understand “myself” and the world
around me. Deep down there seems to be something buried in my past. Something I
have been on the verge of unearthing many times, yet, each circumstance when
the answers begin to appear a dreadful feeling of terror draws me away, and
silently explains: “it is better you forget.”
Time
and time I have asked myself if this is merely a creation of imagination or
rather an event that my mind is shielding me from? Growing up I had a wonderful
childhood. With love from my parents and a large group of friends everything
seemed great. I was lucky enough to be blessed with a family who let me express
my creativity through whatever outlet I choose, often leading to late night
adventures with friends and pushing my personal limits in whatever task was set
out before me.
As
time progressively moved forward depression and confusion took hold. That
childlike sense of freedom had been replaced with sadness and a misunderstanding
of the world. At a young age I was forced to see a psychiatrist, and shortly
after was given a prescription to medication that was supposedly going to
balance my emotions. Wanting an instant cure I blindly ingested the chemicals
not knowing what the outcome would be. Months went by and a gradual feeling of
detachment set in. I was numb. I felt nothing. My surroundings went from color
to black and white, and as my mind slowed, so did the truth that something was
wrong. As nice of a vacation it was from my mind I began to miss the person I
let go of before I started taking the drugs.
This
mental battle went on for years, and as my body became more dependent on the
chemicals the harder it became to live without them. In 2008 I lost a friend to
his own hand. He, much like myself struggled with depression and after a long
battle with personal demons decided to end his own life. That terrible feeling
that swept over me when I heard the news was the most I had felt in years. A
void of confusion entered my heart, as did the presence of my departed friend.
I broke down in tears remembering the last time we spoke, and at this very
moment realized I needed a better way to live. I needed to feel and experience
life- even if it did hurt. I needed to conquer obstacles and strive for a
future that would make both myself, and my family proud. At that very moment
everything became clear: as did the solution to my problem. Living in a dense
fog of personal doubt I had shut myself in from the outside world. I became so
afraid of life that I forgot to pause, and focus on all the wonderful things
around me. I had forgotten the importance of acceptance, and in doing so lost
something vital which was myself. Shortly after the emotions wore something
else dawned on me. That feeling of terror I had once been so afraid of was
nothing more than a warning that my life was drifting off course. It wasn’t
that something bad that had happened in my past, it was rather a warning that
if I continued down the same path it would be my future that was affected.
With
this I found an interesting truth and a dichotomy as to the nature of all
things. This terrible loss helped aid in how off course things had drifted in
my life. Through his death I understood how important it was to love and share
my feelings with people, and to also help them. His death offered me the chance
to examine myself through his decision, and in doing so I found the importance
of life, and the value of his friendship. Should he be thanked for this? I wish
I had an answer to that question, and at times makes me feel guilty in saying
so, but his death helped save my life. I guess sometimes bad things have to
happen for good to result- but it is always refreshing to know that within the
saddest situations life has to offer if looking hard enough great things can
always be spotted.
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