Luke Frantz
Professor Leslie Jewkes
English 102
December 2, 2012
Class
Reflection: Fall 2012
First
off, English 102 was a class I had been avoiding since I began school in 2010. Writing
has always come as a challenge, and expressing my thoughts in written form has
always posed a threat: be it a legitimate fear or not. As the semester started
off I knew I was in for a challenge. Thankfully, as time progressed I came to
realize if I was going to continue down the path of furthering my education it
was an obstacle I needed to remove.
When
the semester first began I felt overwhelmed with the amount of work that was
being presented, often times leading me to mumble swear words under my breath,
and demand silence in a house that is more often than not filled with talkative
friends. This of course, led to death glares as my compadres failed to
understand the difficulty in accomplishing schoolwork in a chaotic environment.
At times it even felt as though the talking and load back and forth chatter
would start the instant I picked up the books or began to write. As to the
reasons for this I am still unsure, but the fact that maintaining a social life
while attending school can hinder progress greatly upsets me.
As
each week passed, sometimes with extreme speed, and others at the pace of a
sloth, a pattern seemed to emerge in my progress of both grace, and clutter.
When the stress of homework and reading surfaced, tunnel vision began to set
in. Much like a child I would find myself focusing on all the entire workload
at once, rather than task-to-task. Like a house overrun with dirt and clutter,
I was at a loss of where to start. “There has to be a better way to do this,” I
would say to myself, “but how?” Desperately searching for a different way to
finish the semester with personally acceptable grades, and a complacent
mindset, I set out to discover that answer within myself.
Answers
to personal dilemma can often be hard to come across, as facing oneself and personal
down falls with an open mind is remarkably difficult. I still have yet to
discover the means of my fear when it comes to writing, but I can assure you it
is deep seated and hard to tackle. Moments will arise when the words pour out,
as if my hand is guided by an outside force, and still at other moments I will
sit and look at a blank screen, erasing nearly anything put on paper. What a
strange contradiction life can be, and what a strange coincidence that times I
feel as though the fear has been dealt with, and I am finally free to write and
express my thoughts without the constant nagging of not feeling good enough, or
smart enough. And other times that fear paints everything black, and looking at
a blank page with no ideas or inspiration feels second nature.
Life
is full of struggles and interesting challenges to overcome, and as time passed
from the beginning of the semester, until now, I can see progress made in
numerous areas. My scholarly writing techniques have improved, as have my
research, and studying habits. Confidence in certain areas of writing, while simultaneously
dealing with myself, and my doubt is an uphill battle, in which I one day hope
to overcome. I have always had a desire to write, but much like talking the
words can be hard to come across. Feelings, in my opinion are a hard thing to understand,
and being able to interpret those feelings in a poetic manner is a battle all
in its own. Some individuals are born with this gift, while others, including
myself, have to fight for each word.
Though not always a pleasant experience,
through my struggles I have discovered new ways to look at things, and inferred
my outdated methods of perception no longer suited the person I wanted, and
knew myself to be. This course has taught me self-discipline, and helped
further my personal progression. I will never be completely done creating and
growing, and with each obstacle faced, and each assignment completed I am one
step closer to being exactly where I need to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment